Dear Little One,
I feel like a lot has changed since the last time I wrote you, even though not many around me may have noticed. One obvious difference however, would be that I’m now writing to you from my own room in my new house that I share with my sister and our friend Kristine. We’ve been here for a few weeks now and the transition from my parents’ house has been nearly seamless.
I thought of you the night we moved in, wondering which sky you’d be sleeping under on your first night out on your own. I myself was worried, not only for the added expenses and the newfound responsibilities, but for the sudden enthrust of freedom. The prospect of such independence after finding a pattern in such chaos was daunting to say the least.
For the first few nights I felt restless, like I should go back home and help my mom with my grandma, like maybe I abandoned her and my dad and my brother in some way. And I felt like I wasn’t doing enough in my “new” life, like I should have immediately thrown myself out in the world and made big decisions and met new people and drastically changed who I am and what I’m doing.
But after the first week came and went and settled into a firm foundation for those to come, I realized that this new step was nothing to fear. While things would be different, incredibly so in some ways, it was a step that was needed to be taken and would only continue to move me forward.
This newfound independence was nothing to get worked up about. Sure I had a variety of new ways to spend my time and allocate my being, but the move away from home did not require a move away from myself. I was happy with the person I was when I lived with my family. I felt loved and needed and unstoppable, there’s no need to lose that person; but over the last few weeks I’ve come to find that I do have a desire to share that person.
This new step does not take me away from my family but into a new family. It births me into a world I’d not previously experienced. One that I can introduce myself to and fall in love with. And while I can’t tell you that I not still a little bit scared, I can say that I’ve shifted the fear’s focus. No longer am I scared of who I should be in this new world, I’m more overwhelmed by the all the things I can be. And no matter which direction I choose to go from here, I can walk with a confident stride, knowing that who I am is perfectly good enough for the places I’ll go and the people I’ll meet, and I should seek them out with a frequent passion. I hope you’ll remember to do the same.
See you soon.