Letters to Little One


Dear Little One,

It’s just another Wednesday morning at work. It was gloomy this morning, typical of June in Southern California. I don’t mind though. It’s nice to have a break from the heat, if only for a few weeks. I wish there was a way to absorb all the cool air. That way when we reach July and the fires of hell are upon us we could refer to our stock of June gloom and survive a little bit longer. Invent that, will you. I’d like to retire early.

I’ve been working at the shop for about 4 years now. It’s not so bad, I like the people and you can’t beat the schedule. I work every day from 8-3 and usually have no problem taking a day off when I need to. I’m taking this Friday off actually. Natalee, Bub and I are heading up to Santa Barbara on Thursday to stay with our cousins while our aunt and uncle are out of town. Natalee and Taryn are already mapping out the schedule of activities. Last time we did this, they had us booked solid all 3 days we were there, almost down to the minute.

It. Was. Amazing.

Schedules make my soul happy.

But yes, my flexible work schedule is great, and I just got a raise the other day, but I still dream, every day, about leaving. I dream about finding an amazing job that will jumpstart a new chapter in my life. A job that I will love and be passionate about and that will pay enough to let me move into my own place. A job, I have yet to find. The worst part of it all is that I don’t even know what the job looks like. I just picture myself walking into a building, pencil skirt and button down shirt in toe, waving to the girl at the front desk and sitting down in my chair with a coffee. It’s a weird image. I’ve never worn or owned a pencil skirt, and I hate coffee. That’s just what a successful career has looked like to me in movies and books and the occasional sightings on city streets.  But I suppose success looks different on everyone. My mom has worked a few different jobs but has found no greater success than the birthstones of her three children and the promise from my dad that she wears on her ring finger.

The way your success looks is up to you, whether it’s in the clothes you wear or the people you know or the money you spend. The most important thing to remember about success is that at the end of the day, if it doesn’t make you feel good, you’re not doing it right. Success should be something you feel from within and reflect outward. That’s the only way it sticks.

For me, I haven’t drawn out my picture of success; I don’t even know if I’m holding the right pencils to do so.  I have no idea when it will happen or what it will look like, but I do know how I want it to feel.  I want to find work that pays the soul more than the pocket. Work that satisfies that needy heart rather than the greedy head. And I want to be a mother.

So that’s where I have my sights.

See you soon.


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